If you’re sharing a fetish that’s essential to your sexual pleasure, Langer advises being open with your partner about how much courage it’s taking you to talk to them about it. This content can also be viewed on the site it originates from.
You could also ask your partner if there are any kinks or fetishes they’ve been thinking about or wanting to explore. In terms of actually speaking the words, Rose recommends saying something like: “‘I’ve been having some fantasies recently about X, Y, or Z’, or ‘I went to this workshop and learned some interesting things’, and then asking, ‘Would you be up for talking about this with me?’.
“Be sensitive about what you’re broaching when you’re talking about kink, and understand that different intersections of people’s identities, whether that’s gender, race, ability, and many other aspects of who they are, come into play.” “Some kinks and fetishes very much root themselves in the idea that we are subverting and playing with power dynamics, and themes of violence, control, and submission, all of which can touch on personal experiences and histories that are very real, and perhaps even current for people,” she tells British GQ. “Consent and getting in touch with our limits and boundaries starts with ourselves.”įirst, Rose asserts the importance of taking any trauma your partner may have experienced into consideration. “Doing a little bit of this on your own can better equip you for having conversations with a partner,” says Sophia Rose, a London-based facilitator, educator, and artist working with consent, rope bondage, kink, and sexuality. This can involve watching different types of porn, exploring materials, smells, sounds, or aesthetics that you find pleasurable, learning about the kink via podcasts, articles, talks, or classes, and experimenting with solo play. Or, they might not but that doesn’t mean they’ll react badly, nor that the two of you are destined to be sexually incompatible.īefore you talk to your partner about a kink (something that increases your pleasure, but isn’t essential) or fetish (something that you need for arousal and pleasure), you might want to explore kink for yourself first, especially if it’s new to you. Plus, your partner may share your desire and it’ll be another way you connect. You may adapt and/or share the work for non-commercial purposes as long as a credit to the author and a link back to this original is included.Ĭheck on Rain City TNG upcoming events or join their Fetlife group on their website.Still, that doesn’t mean you should shy away from sharing the secret – after all, vulnerability can make for a stronger relationship and a more intimate sex life. They have kindly made this negotiation sheet available under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International (CC BY-NC 4.0) License. They organize social, play, and educational based events and provide a safe space for young people to explore and understand the complexities of human sexuality. The Rain City TNG group is a non-profit social and educational organization based in Seattle, WA for those 18-35. Ask questions! When you say you want spanking, does that have to be limited to your butt, or can I smack your chest too? Discuss the terms, and maybe write in your own extras! When you’re done, you’ll have a physical list of what the plan for the scene is that will have far less confusion than if you tried to do it all off the top of your head. Using the “Tonight, I want…!” Negotiation Sheet is simple: Give one copy to each person in the scene and ask them to fill it out.